The top 5 things I wish I could say to you (in order of importance):
- “I hate your husband.”
Seriously, the guy is the most boring and self absorbed asshole on the planet. I have literally never met another person who was so awful at carrying on a basic conversation. He never listens. He doesn’t hear or remember anything people say to him. He probably doesn’t even know your middle name, your place of employment, or your favourite band. He loves to “humblebrag” that he doesn’t watch television or read “mainstream” novels. What does he do, stare at himself in the mirror while smoking pot? If he is going to be at your house don’t invite me over. Okay, thanks.
- “Where’s my money?“
It’s always the little things. Can you buy this coffee for me, the next one’s on me, I promise. I could probably have bought a car with the money I’ve spent on your coffees, packs of gum, and ice cream cones over the years. Then there’s the time we agreed to go to a concert together. I bought the tickets online with my credit card. You (whoops!) were out of town the week of the concert…even though we’d had months to set the day aside. You didn’t come with me or offer to pay me for your ticket. I can’t bring myself to ask about such things, because as inspirational quotes remind me- money is the root of all evil, and friendship is more important than money. You should get that last one printed on your unopened wallet.
- “Stop doing drugs.”
There is very little to say about this, other than I worry about you. I’m scared about how you go too far and call it experimenting. Your stupid husband loves your experimenting, of course. If I say too much about it, you’ll think I’m being judgemental, which is the worst thing a friend can be apparently. Since I don’t do drugs with you, if I dissuaded you from doing them you would likely become distant and stop being my friend. Yet, I should be able to tell you I’m worried without it coming off as an attack. It’s kind of a lose/lose situation.
- “I miss you.”
I miss who you used to be when you thought life was exciting. We would stay up late laughing about everything and nothing and sharing our dreams and nightmares. Now you think life is all going downhill and you can’t be who you used to be. Now you stay up trying to numb your dreams and drown your nightmares. You were brave and funny and talked a mile a minute. Now you’re afraid of everything. And I have to admit, I’ve become the same way. What happened to us? What are we so afraid of?
And the final thing I wish I could say to you, and the most important, is that…
- “I’m sorry.” I’m sorry I’m not brave enough to say any of this to your face. As for the rest, I just can’t make the words come out. One of the things I fear most is losing you, so I can’t say any of it. And for that I am sorry.
hey, are you in London? Come meet and hang out with us here.