N

I’m mad at you for thinking that you never broke my heart.
Every time you weren’t excited for me
broke my heart.
Every time you weren’t proud of me
made loving you painful.
When I fought for more and you shut me down,
it made me love myself less.
I wanted to love through and from the war but you needed to have a

winner and

a loser.

 

 

 

 

 

I wanted us to work out so badly. A part of me will always

want that.
But I am eternally grateful to have had a
t a s t e
of it instead of
chopping off my burnt tongue entirely.

 

I want to be clear when I say that this isn’t your fault. Our love grew differently and our personalities shaped it to be something I no longer wanted.

The thought of someone loving you differently and better than I do
hurts my heart.
I am fixated on the idea that no one will love you
better
harder
and more wholly than I did.

That won’t stay true forever.

But…

Because of you,
falling in love all over again is exciting.
I look forward to sharing my life with someone new because it will
always be tied to you and our

love.

Moving on, and getting over you are on different sides of the spectrum.

I still don’t know where I fall on it but
I’m hopeful.

 

  • a love and pain that will never cease to teeter-totter

 

By Alexis Jamil     

 

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Alexis Jamil

<p>You will never find my mind and body in the same room.</p>