The harsh reality is that You can’t stop people from taking advantage of the courageous love You have to offer. These people are selfish – maybe they don’t intend to be, but they are. They see something in You that they want so, they begin their work to take it and do so through various actions of manipulation, guilt, and neediness. What they have to offer does not measure up to the grand museum that is Your existence. Trust that You are in the right to want to love before questioning someone’s intentions. You are oozing with love and that is okay. The beatings You have endured throughout the years have made You what You are. Be proud of it. Embrace it. You will continue to face more heartaches as you go on thumping stronger than ever.
Every beat hurts. I’m trying to be okay but it’s just so difficult. I’m surprised you can even feel me beating because I feel numb. Every time I seem to connect with another, something goes awry. Is it me? Please tell me what I’ve done wrong and I’ll fix it, I promise! I don’t ever want to feel this pain again – I don’t know how much more I can take of it. Build a barrier around me and never let anything come near me. We did it before and life was easier that way. Let’s go back to that. Just you and I. Please, I beg of you.
It’s okay to be scared but don’t let it prevent You from loving another heart. No heart will ever be the same as You, but there are others out there who ooze a similar love. I will protect You. You are mine. Right now, I have You tightly cupped in my hands. They’ve damaged You, but this will not silence the sound Your love echoes around the rest of the world. Please be patient with me, as I’m still trying to heal us. It will take time but once we’re ready, we will conquer the world together. We will conquer with love where people meet us with anger. Empathize when we are met with revenge. Feel when we are met with disappointment. Grow when we are showered with opportunities. I cannot change the paths we have walked on, nor the actions of the people who chose to be negligent with us but together we can let go and move on.
You’re crying again. I wish you would smash that fucking phone of yours and see who you have in front of you! Why do you do this to yourself? I am just as angry as you are, but we must use our energy for something better. We are living proof of resilience. We will walk forward together whether or not others want to join us. Please do not weep for those who choose not to – our paths are meant to be different and not always shared. These selfish people may never change, or even acknowledge, their selfish ways but that does not mean we have to stay chained to them. Trust me, I was screaming with you into your pillow the other night. I want the betrayal to stop, too, so do something about it.
Do not be paranoid but be aware. What growth comes from limitations? The spectrum of submissiveness and defensiveness has a balance and we will slowly find it. It is not always going to be easy to spot these selfish people – they come in various styles of subtly or blatancy.You are a museum, not a gift shop. People are not allowed to walk in, touch everything, and take whatever they like. You are allowed to close your doors whenever you feel necessary, but it is important to remember to reopen. Do not blame Yourself if You open your doors to someone and they move things around, or break some stuff. Rebuilding comes from destruction so take advantage of the rubble.
It is time to start investing in the right people. Just because every person can see You, it does not mean they should have full access to You. We will work together to find these people but first, we must indulge in our self. We are a creation like no other and we must worship our existence. Once we stop looking for our worth amongst the crowd, we learn to set boundaries rather than expectations. Honour those boundaries. Cherish what we have to offer. Be weary but be excited.
My dear Heart, You are a Phoenix: ever burning and rebirthing. Nothing can put out Your fire.
Always with love from your protector.
By Alexis Jamil | feature image by Naveen Prajapat